Teleri (telerib) wrote,

Dragon Age wrap-up

I'm almost done with Dragon Age: Origins, a video game that has eaten 140 hours of my life so far. Being constitutionally incapable of putting in that much time on anything without overanalyzing it, I have Thoughts. I'll put them behind cuts to prevent spoilers or excessive boredom.

One of the big benefits Dragon Age has, over a tabletop game, is that I can't argue with it. I'd really like to shake the writers by the lapels and ask...

Riordan: I know the Joining ritual!

Warden: Great! We can recruit more Grey Wardens!

Riordan: Psyche, no we can't. We're fresh out of archdemon blood, which we need.

Riordan: Hey, let's make Logain a Grey Warden!

Me: WTF, did you find some archdemon blood behind the sofa or something?

Morrigan: The child will have the Taint, which will attract the Old God like a beacon; its soul will inhabit the child.

Warden: Will the child be evil?

Morrigan: Look, I'm interested in the Original Old God, not the Taint-corrupted archdemon version. This will free the Old God from the Taint the darkspawn gave it when they found it.

Me: Can you square this with "the child will have the Taint"? Because you're making no sense.

Arl Eamon: It is absolutely critical that Alistair be king, because he's the king's son and only the king's son can keep our squabbling barons together.

Barons: I really wish someone would take care of all these darkspawn.

Me: Do you care if 'someone' is the king's son or not?

Barons: *crickets*

Me: Hey, I'm a human noble. What did Mom and Dad think of the line of kings? Cailan was five years on the throne with no kids. Surely, people were starting to wonder what Plan B might be?

Game Designers: *crickets*

Me: Come on! Is this 'blood of Theirin' thing just Eamon's hobby horse or an actual important point in stopping the civil war?

Game Designers: It... um, doesn't matter, because Eamon will be very, very unhappy if Alistair isn't made king, and Alistair doesn't want to let his foster-father down.

Alistair: Well yeah, but I also really don't want to be king, although the PC can talk me into it, of course. But I will sulk.

Me: You people are impossible.
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